Bitch, In Praiseth of Difficulte Woman

as i see my friends wave goodbye to me, and then join their girlfriends/boyfriends, it makes me feel left out. maybe i should get a boyfriend or a girlfriend too. in fact, most people are surprised to find out that i'm actually single. that's because i'm picky.

but do i have the right to be picky? should i just settle for what i can get?

but can anybody who is anybody have an inkling of what they might get, if they were to be my boyfriend?

my personal anthem is "I'm A Bitch", and it has been since it came out when i was 17, because no other song has come as close as this to describing my personality.

i'm a bitch, i'm a mother
i'm a child, i'm a lover
i'm a sinner, i'm a saint
i do not feel ashamed
i'm your hell, i'm your dream
i'm nothing in between
you know you wouldn't want it any other way

it's so true. there are times i just want to dominate and feel superior, to take over and take care of lesser beings, and yet there are times i'm so tired i just want to curl up into a ball and be taken care of. i do things that i'm not proud of, yet i try my best to be a good person, and really i don't give a damn what others think. people are always saying i'd be a wonderful wife and partner because i can do so many things most other girls my age can't, and while it's true that i can be a dream come true, i can turn the other way around and fuck you right up the ass if i'm not happy. i swing between extremes and there's no such thing as moderation in my vocabulary.

and you know you wouldn't want it any other way, because if you really love me, not simply for my face, or my abilities, or my intelligence, you would love the way i behave. life with me is going to be one long journey, and the ride won't be smooth. nothing that's mediocre would satisfy me, and yet, it is ultimately myself who decides your level of mediocrity. you can be the prince of a southern kingdom and have a face that's carved by angels, but i might find you sorely lacking. similarly, if you look like you've been hit by a truck and have nothing to your name, i might find that you're the person i've been looking for all my life.

so take me as i am
this may mean you'll have to be a stronger man
rest assured that when i
start to make you nervous
and i'm going to extremes
tomorrow i would change
and today won't mean a thing

this also explains why i change so much from day to day. and also why some people say that talking to me is like talking to a few people at the same time. i can't stick to one mood long enough to last the hour. one part of me wants to crack stupid jokes, and one part of me just wants to go home and cry like a little girl. and one part of me just wants to reach out and smack you till your teeth bleed.

i'm a bitch, i'm a tease
i'm a goddess on my knees
when you're hurt, when you suffer
i'm your angel undercover

and yet, i can't bear to see my friends unhappy, because it makes me unhappy too. i like to always see them laughing and confident, untroubled and sorrow-free. and yet i might resort to underhanded means to make them happy, like setting fire to their nemesis' underwear while it's still on their asses. then i'll feel good that the baddies have burnt asses, and also feel bad that they can't sit for weeks.

but you know you wouldn't want me any other way, would you?