Ach, Ancient Maide

i think that there's a very possible chance of me ending up a spinster cat-lady.

i don't like to have to depend on another person. i don't like to have another person feel obliged to take care of me because i've got a weak constitution and a broken body. that's one reason.

i'm sure no one would like to always have to consider my myriad of allergies, illnesses and have to slow down in order to accomodate to my limping when i walk too much. i think that's why my mom was particularly perplexed over my condition after the accident. she probably thinks that my "value" in the "marriage market" has depleted drastically. whatever! but then again she could be right, so i have to start preparing for spinsterhood. that's two.

i can be brutally rude and honest when i want to, so i don't really blame the guys who get put off by my behaviour. however i believe that humans have a right as to how they behave, so it's up to me to spout swear words and up to them to get offended. just because i'm a girl doesn't mean that i have to giggle with my hand over my mouth or replace certain terms with euphemisms. but i'm not grudging any girl who acts like a lady. in fact i do admire those girls who behave with grace and poise, and at the same time are truly honorable ladies within. like Ellen O'hara and Melanie Wilkes in Gone With the Wind. and the real life examples i meet with.

i'm losing the point of my argument.

oh yeah, it was about spinsterhood.

anyway let me digress a bit cos another idea has just entered my head.

i don't understand why whenever i tell people that i'm closest to my brother, they go "eee incest!" cos that's just stupid. i never said i was sexually attracted to my brother and i'd rather stick my face into rotting army rations than be sexually attracted to him. but it's because we're made up of the same ingredients that makes us genetically linked at the most primal state. the same blood run in our veins and identify ourselves as siblings. is there a written rule for brothers and sisters not to get along?

that's why in many ways, i look for similar qualities that my brother has in other men around me. and i tend to like those people more. i don't profess to say that my brother is a saint but he has many traits to be proud of. he is gentlemanly and helpful, respects women and treats them as equals, intelligent and witty, and yet humble and understanding. unlike me, he doesn't swear as profusely, and in times of crisis he is usually calm and collected. unfortunately he inherited my father's weird mood swings, although to a much lesser degree. i can talk to him for hours until my mom comes in to scream at us to go to bed before the sun rises.

in fact, if i tell another boy that he is like my brother, it's one of the highest compliments i can ever give to another. i measure other men with my brother as the yardstick, not because he is the ultimate standard, but because he is the person i am closest to, most proud of and the one i trust the most. he might eat my breakfast, my coveted store of chocopies and cookies and he might have some strange habits, but he is after all my brother.

okay.

and the final reason why i might end up a spinster cat-lady is because i am socially retarded and have never had much experience in matters concerning the other gender.