Ach, Ancient Maide

i think that there's a very possible chance of me ending up a spinster cat-lady.

i don't like to have to depend on another person. i don't like to have another person feel obliged to take care of me because i've got a weak constitution and a broken body. that's one reason.

i'm sure no one would like to always have to consider my myriad of allergies, illnesses and have to slow down in order to accomodate to my limping when i walk too much. i think that's why my mom was particularly perplexed over my condition after the accident. she probably thinks that my "value" in the "marriage market" has depleted drastically. whatever! but then again she could be right, so i have to start preparing for spinsterhood. that's two.

i can be brutally rude and honest when i want to, so i don't really blame the guys who get put off by my behaviour. however i believe that humans have a right as to how they behave, so it's up to me to spout swear words and up to them to get offended. just because i'm a girl doesn't mean that i have to giggle with my hand over my mouth or replace certain terms with euphemisms. but i'm not grudging any girl who acts like a lady. in fact i do admire those girls who behave with grace and poise, and at the same time are truly honorable ladies within. like Ellen O'hara and Melanie Wilkes in Gone With the Wind. and the real life examples i meet with.

i'm losing the point of my argument.

oh yeah, it was about spinsterhood.

anyway let me digress a bit cos another idea has just entered my head.

i don't understand why whenever i tell people that i'm closest to my brother, they go "eee incest!" cos that's just stupid. i never said i was sexually attracted to my brother and i'd rather stick my face into rotting army rations than be sexually attracted to him. but it's because we're made up of the same ingredients that makes us genetically linked at the most primal state. the same blood run in our veins and identify ourselves as siblings. is there a written rule for brothers and sisters not to get along?

that's why in many ways, i look for similar qualities that my brother has in other men around me. and i tend to like those people more. i don't profess to say that my brother is a saint but he has many traits to be proud of. he is gentlemanly and helpful, respects women and treats them as equals, intelligent and witty, and yet humble and understanding. unlike me, he doesn't swear as profusely, and in times of crisis he is usually calm and collected. unfortunately he inherited my father's weird mood swings, although to a much lesser degree. i can talk to him for hours until my mom comes in to scream at us to go to bed before the sun rises.

in fact, if i tell another boy that he is like my brother, it's one of the highest compliments i can ever give to another. i measure other men with my brother as the yardstick, not because he is the ultimate standard, but because he is the person i am closest to, most proud of and the one i trust the most. he might eat my breakfast, my coveted store of chocopies and cookies and he might have some strange habits, but he is after all my brother.

okay.

and the final reason why i might end up a spinster cat-lady is because i am socially retarded and have never had much experience in matters concerning the other gender.

I Pledgeth Mine Eternal Gratitude

just got back from USP camp. it was the first camp i've ever been to since OBS, which i still rank as the worst 5 days of my life. i think my team Windsor (Whee-ndsor! God Save the Queen! Yi ba aninei anina ba!) was the bunch of the coolest and funniest people i've ever met. and i like it that the activities weren't too strenuous and they were more puzzle-type (not including the gross-shit-buffet-fish-a-mentos-out-of-hepatitis-B-breeding-ground) which i like. and lots of thanks and eternal gratitude to derek, alexius, aik heng and jack for their help in carrying my brick-filled bags and their constant moral and physical support along the way, to joshua for accepting my criticism of nu-metal so gracefully, to weizhen for being the funniest bumbling murderer-lackey, to the gorgeous ladies who can squeeze into a single bed without causing any casualties and putting up with my continued nonsense, to the OGLs without whom we would just be a bunch of clueless freshies, to laremy for his cute little boy-ness and the awesome scooter ride on his cute scooter and to veera for being a great secret pal.

ok now the oscar's taken and the speech's over.

Beauty in Thy Eyen Two

i am aware that i am not ugly; in fact i am reasonably pretty if i make the effort to comb my hair, slap some makeup on and actually get out and act like a normal sociable human being. i'm not fat and i'm of average height, not terribly short or anything, and i don't have weird odors.

but i lack the "beautiful" attitude. i'm sure that even if i'm decked out in a fantastic donna karan creation and had a devastating sillouhette, had my face and hair done by shu uemura and frederick fekkai themselves respectively and wore ridiculous amounts of diamonds, nobody would give me a second look. i've a very quiet aura that makes me blend into the surroundings. my presence is of little impression.

some girls who arent blessed with half my looks, but with that "beautiful" attitude, can make heads turn just by walking into the room. what i mean by "beautiful" attitude is that they believe themselves to be beautiful and attractive, and that belief is so strong that others believe it too. they are marvelously confident, never mind they are at least 20 kg overweight, had dandruff or crooked teeth.

don't get me wrong, i'm not one of those poor saps with no self-esteem. in fact i'm very pleased with myself, and my mother is always saying that i must have a bruise on my back from patting myself so much. but i've very little faith in my appearance. i just take it as it is, average, not ugly, but not stunningly beautiful. it's not much to fall back on. i learnt that at a very young age, so i try to cover it up by acquiring many talents, literary, artistic and musical. i don't consider myself very smart, because my brother's golden wake leaves everything that's behind dull and stupid. but i think i'm better off than most, so i shouldn't complain too much.

of course, there's another race of women who are so beautiful that they aren't aware of it. it radiates out of them and captures the attention of all around them but themselves. my best friend is one such woman. i've always wondered how they coped with so much beauty.

I Snippeth, I Bleacheth

so i had a new haircut, and dyed it brown with dark blonde highlights. it's one of the best hair changes i've ever had, really and truly. Jaclyn is the best stylist ever!!!

here's a picture for you to orgasm over:


p.s. i can't help it that i have yellow lighting in my room.