Alas, My Heart Weepeth

take my hand, i'm a stranger in paradise
all lost in a wonderland
a stranger in paradise
if i stand starry eyed
there's a danger in paradise
for mortals who stand beside
an angel like you

i saw your face ascending
out of the common place
and into the rare
and somewhere out in space
i hang suspended
until i'm certain that
there's a chance that you care

won't you answer the fervent prayer
of a stranger in paradise
don't send me in dark despair
from all that i hunger for
but open your angel's arms
to this stranger in paradise
and tell her that she need be
a stranger no more

- sarah brightman, "Stranger in Paradise"

one more day of seeing my heart's desire. one more day of restraining my emotions before him. one more day of silence. one more day of unknown joy.

i can never talk to him. there is nothing for me to say to him, and nothing for him to say to me. we are just too far apart, even though we are sitting in the same room, just feet away from each other.

he doesn't know i exist.

which is fucking irritating because in the past, i always know how to make myself exist. if my target doesn't make the first move, i will be able to nudge him or her into making the move. but not with him. because he is just so high up, he isn't aware of lesser mortals like me.

but he is human like me, like everyone else, you'd protest. be a woman and talk to him.

well, considering the fact that he is about 30 years older than me, and is probably married or gay, it makes things difficult, doesn't it?

so i have to settle for silent adoration on my part, and blissful ignorance for his. why is life so complicated now? why can't i just settle for a nice normal boy my age?

because i deserve better than just a nice normal boy. a nice normal boy wouldn't be able to understand the complexity of my nature. a nice normal boy wouldn't be able to endure my fickleness, flightiness, violent mood swings, he wouldn't be able to debate intellectual ideas and discuss philosophy with me, and he wouldn't be able to provide the deep-rooted stability i hunger for.

now i have to wait till the next time i see him. then when i see him, it is one more day of restraining my emotions, one more day of silence, and one more day of unknown joy.