Time Passeth On

I started this blog at the start of a particular chapter of my life, and now I feel like this chapter is reaching its end. Usually chapters in my life tend to last a few months at best, but this chapter lasted from 2006 until now. It began when I left junior college and embarked on my journey towards becoming a not-quite young adult, and I had experienced a lot and made a lot of new friends and new discoveries along the way.

I got my first job as a teacher, and earning my own money was a thrilling experience. I received the best ever academic achievements I ever did, beyond my own expectations. I fell in love and out of love many times, worked many different, diverse jobs, took the plunge and invested in a fashion that became my life, met many awesome people that ultimately became the Order of the Raec, had my first, real and serious relationship that although was short-lived, was something I did not regret because it made me discover facets of my personality I had misunderstood all my life. I went through so many life-changing procedures, got in and out of hospital, won a lawsuit, got over my fear of dogs, learnt a new instrument, performed in the Esplanade, walked all the way home from NUS....etc.

However over the course of the summer of 2008 I developed something that I am not comfortable to talk about to anybody as yet, something I am still fighting (no it's not some life-threatening illness or death-related, don't worry), and I felt that this is the start of a new chapter. In fact I have already started this new chapter and had closed the old one, but today I decided, thinking if anyone who is still checking on this blog for new updates is wondering why I had stopped in February, I should leave a fitting finale informing everyone that THBNBTE is now officially closed and buried.

Thy patronage is much appreciated, and I hopeth thou hast gaineth a king's ransom betwixt thy charming ears.

Rageth Within

i don't want people to treat me like an invalid. i'm not. i'm not ultra-fragile, or that i might collapse under my own weight any time. you don't have to talk around me in hushed tones whenever the subject comes up, or try to console me.

just because i have some problems with my body doesn't make me something else.

please don't look at me with such horrified faces.

i get hurt if you call me "accident girl". i don't use it as an excuse for not doing some things. and if i do tell people what happened, it doesn't help if you say, "oh, talking about it AGAIN?"

it's not up to you to say that. you're not the one who had this happen to you. you're not the one who has to wonder if any other things have been damaged in the process.

there is a reason why i don't tell people. and there is a reason why i do tell people, sometimes. it's not up to any of you to decide who and when i say it.

it is precisely because of such people like you that i refuse to tell anyone the extent of my injuries.

on a separate note:

if you say you're going to be doing something, DO IT. because i am going to assume that you hold it true to your word and not question it. then when i realize that you didn't do what you proposed to, don't fucking turn my word around and blame me. you said that you were going to do it, so why are you blaming me for trusting you? this was not the first time you've done it.

i am so angry for being angry at myself for being angry at you because i do not know who is at fault here anymore and you make it appear as it is all mine.