When Thy Turuf is Thy Tour

despite what you people see of me (i don't really know what you think of me but i get the general idea that i'm unconventional and perhaps in some ways "strange" or even "perverse" for want of a better word), i'm actually very old-fashioned. Liberal in thought, Conservative in action.

anyway my main point is that i don't like living in the present. i'd very much love to live during the Regency era. it's a much simpler time, devoid of the decadence of the Rococo and the general prissiness of the Victorian/Edwardian eras. yes, you would say i read too much Jane Austen, but it's not merely my admiration for balls and seasons in London and afternoon tea or my general love for plotlines that go along the lines of "'I love her but she must never know/I love him but he must never know'..........then they both find out and live happily ever after." it's also how ladies behaved like ladies, gentlemen behaved like gentlemen, but without the ridiculous rules imposed during the Victorian times.

not to mention i absolutely love the fashion for this era. the bonnets, spencers, pelisses etc etc.

and with people travelling on horsebacks or carriages or phaetons, air would've been so much fresher.

call me an escapist or idealist, but one day when i have swindled enough money i'll buy a nice cottage in the English countryside, with some acres of land, furnish it in the Regency style, raise a couple of horses or two and live there in my own little Barton Cottage or (if i managed to swindle a couple of millions) Pemberley without anyone in jeans or slutwear to ruin my sweet sweet home.

and i'm quite content to live there as a spinster cat lady, but i wouldn't mind having a Mr. Darcy, Mr. Knightley or Colonel Brandon.

in other news, i managed to construct a straw bonnet! now i just have to buy trim for it, and some lovely fabric for a new gown. ahhh i'm so short of $$$. time to swindle!

Her Bell Ringeth, Mine Knell Tolleth

it broke my heart when i found out she was married. honestly it did. we started out the same kind of little girls, full of imagination and youthful exuberance, close as two peas in a pod, but i guess she grew up too fast.

it was just like, 10 years ago, we were flashing torchlight signals at each other's windows, dumping our less-than-satisfactory STEP class dinners into the drain outside the school canteen, pretending to be the Spice Girls (i was Ginger, she was Baby), getting into trouble together, writing secret notes to each other in our personal secret notebook and hanging out at each other's homes playing dolls and stuff.

then suddenly i wasn't cool enough for her. i was too dweeby and dorky (which i think i still am; i don't think i'll ever be cool enough for her unless she turned intellectual or something), i spent too much time at home reading than out in the mall, doing whatever 12-year-olds were supposed to do in malls, i didn't have the coolest watches (i recall the coolest watch then was a Baby G or something like that) or a Discman or even collected CDs of my own (remember, that was the late '90s, no iPods yet) and i still carried a bright pink Polly Pocket backpack. and i was fat. with straight-cut bangs.

so i was shunted off while she hung out with the cool kids. but i don't know why, i still wanted her as my friend very much, cos well, she was my only friend in that cruel world of primary six. i didn't say a thing when she copied off my test papers (and she claimed i copied off hers, which was remedied when we were separated, and i rocked the next test while she flunked it), and when she insulted and humiliated me in front of the class (which i don't think they cared), i kept quiet and accepted them because i liked her.

so her grades went down and we didn't end up going to the same school like we planned to. she went to a neighbourhood school, and i went to a good one (although i suffered hell in it until i met you, Dee =D) and i heard she dropped out at sec 3. i don't know if this was true or not. in JC i met her again, at the bus stop near our blocks. she was really thin, had peroxide orange hair, and two huge tattoos on her back. she told me she was going to work. i wanted to give her a hug but she looked like she wasn't comfortable with seeing me so i said goodbye instead.

that was the last i saw of her.

but i still checked in on her life sporadically, via her friendster profile, so i was stunned when i found out she had gone and gotten married. at 20. well i feel happy for her. but sad too. i mean, i'm 20, and i'm having a great time in uni, doing stuff that 20-year-olds do, but she's married and working already. she wouldn't know how it'll be like, with people her age, going for classes, having a whale of a time.

and as i write this, i realize that i haven't really gotten over her yet. yes, i'm bitter. and i was and still am jealous of her. jealous that after all the horrible things she had done to me, and possibly other people, after how she had thoughtlessly squandered her young life away, that she could still get a happily ever after, that there is still someone willing to love her and marry her, while here i am, spinster catless lady, ruined judas of a body, the most difficult woman ever, alone, sitting here and ranting about the life of another person.

i shouldn't think any more tonight.

'Twas But A Tweaketh of Mine Herte

zero: actually, i think i'm one of those nutheads that are oblivious to anyone liking me until someone holds a sign up in front of my face. so i remain completely oblivious to anyone's affections until his ardour fades off, then its like nothing ever happened.

sometimes i wonder why i torture myself and sign up for all sorts of humiliation. like volunteering to be in FOC creative com, digging my brains apart for a camp theme, frying myself to come up with a video script, and when no one wants to play the slutty bimbo chief concubine i end up being immortalized as the hysterically giggling thing onscreen.

then i end up an OGL, and i suffer acts of inhumanity like being held down and tossed into mud puddles, getting pelted by little toilet plungers shot from cheap plastic pistols, made to dance like a performing monkey for the amusement of the freshies and evil creatures by name of Ho Ze Fa, and not to mention having to sleep half frozen to death.

but nothing beats having to do costumes for Rag again this year. why was i so dumb to volunteer last year?! why did i feel sorry for the Rag team, and allow myself to be bullied into stitching pieces of cloth together to clothe the dancers? now i'm stuck with drawing thousands and thousands of lines, drafting patterns for costumes that can't be too revealing (sorry to break USP tradition) and yet versatile enough to be worn under another costume, and having to endure the fits and tantrums of a certain person.

i know i'll probably survive (but barely), and come out of Rag victoriously but blearily with my satin shirred frocks, handkerchief tops and wraparound skirts. i dont really want to think about the guys' costumes. i really dont want to.

then next year.

you'll probably see me at my sewing machine again, weeping at the weakness of my susceptible heart.

Ach, 'Tis Another One

i know i should stop with the "why do all my friends have boyfriends/girlfriends but not me?" nonsense but i regret to inform thee, dear and faithful readers, that this post would be just another whining rant about my current state of singlehood.

but the thing is, i'm happy with being single. as long as i have my brand OPs from MM and JSKs from BABY and everything that makes my heart tingle and my wallet jingle, as long as i have all the time to do what i love most, i can live with it. HELL i'd rather live like that than have some meddlesome boyfriend nagging at me for all the money i spend on my loli clothes, or being embarrassed to be seen with me in public because i'm in a frilly frock or whining that i spend too much time on my own than with him, etc etc.

i had a great time on Monday. i had a date with myself. i slept till noon, then went to the Cathay Picturehouse to catch a weepy art film ("The Blossoming of Maximo Oliveros"), then went to the library at Jurong and borrowed a couple of books and had a nice quiet time reading. then i had a wonderful little dinner at Cafe Galilee in the library lobby, where it was totally quiet, and ate while i read Nabokov's Glory. then on the way home i had a nice soy ice-cream in a cone.

perfect date.

i love this life.

then i turn around, and i see one of my girl friends had hooked up with another of my guy friends, and these two people i know who used to chide and tease each other good humoredly are now intimately cuddling and holding hands and making my skin crawl at their lovey-doveyness.

and i wonder, will i end up a lonely old spinster cat lady, clad beautifully in Mary Magdalene, living in a one-room flat holding tea parties for herself?

or maybe i manage to go all the way to S. Korea, find Cho Jae-jin, beat him to submission then bring him back to be my personal love-slave.

Mine Friend, Thou'rt An Ippan-jin

first things first. i have a new baby.


it's pink!

even the rest were impressed by the sheer pinkness of my Sony Vaio C.

i just got it last night at the Suntec PC fair. or rather, dad got it for me. after all, the old laptop was full of viruses (although my brother had already gleefully re-claimed it and reformatted it and deleted my kawaiiness.com blush puppy wallpaper), and black didn't go with my room's color scheme.

so....

Jack Neo!!! get out of the picture!!!

okay anyway, today after the audition thingie (by the way, laremy, what was that first thing you wanted me to blog about? was it the failed attempt to take a cool band picture in the MRT?) el botak and i went down to the streetfest in somerset. el botak had a revelation that amongst the j-rockers, j-goths, j-maniacs, j-eyelineroverloaders, gothic lolitas, sweet lolitas, wa lolitas, semi-lolitas, off-ther-rocker lolitas and the lone himegyaru (me), he was an ippan-jin.

nobody knew what i was dressing up as. it's casual himegyaru! the curls! the bangs! the overpriced Marc Jacobs Spring 07 collection frilly lacy eyelet minidress! the equally overpriced Marc Jacobs heels! the pink blossom lei about my wrist! the expensive enamel gold necklace and the platinum earrings! sheesh. maybe hime fashion hasn't made it bigtime in SG yet.

Dawn and her friends were very pretty though. but what struck me as hilarious was the sight of those pretty, exquisite lolitas, in full lace regalia complete with panniers, 6-inch mary janes, parasol and long ringlet curls, sitting in long john silver eating fish meals. that's something you don't see everyday. should've taken a picture! bound to be very cute.

i was the photographer of the day, so don't have many pictures. some guy took a picture of me though, and of course, laremy aka el botak took one with me. but he hasn't sent it to me.

boo to you, laremy. boo to you.

I Senseth Thee

today i'm going to talk about my senses.

my hair smells nice. i'm using a new shampoo. i thought nothing could smell nicer than my Herbal Essences Natural Volume Shampoo for Fine/Limp Hair, which i've been using faithfully for since i watched LOTR on DVD...so that's....i was in JC 2...yup 2 years. the other day i was going to buy another bottle of it, then i noticed a similar bottle, with similar coloured liquid in it. it was Herbal Essences Citrus Lift Shampoo for Radiant and Soft Hair. and remembering how it could turn a fat smelly biker gangster into a fat happy biker gangster with gorgeous bouncy curls, i decided to buy it instead.

i don't know about the radiant part, but my hair's definitely soft and it sure smells nice.

i have 3 pimples on my face. they hurt. i put dollops of Benzoyl Peroxide 10% cream (common name: OXY 10) on those spots, and now i can feel the alkali eating in my skin. it's positively throbbing. but pimples aren't the problem. it's this heavy pus-filled abscess that's forming in between 2 spots under my left nostril. it hurts every time i poke it, or smile, or brush my teeth. right, it's true. under my pale seemingly-perfect skin (it's not even perfect anyway; i've got huge pores and blackheads on my nose) are pus-filled abcesses that at the right time would erupt warm, sticky green pus laced with dark red blood (refer to one of my previous posts).

i can hear the air-con thrumming.

i just had a glass of water; it tastes like water.

i'm looking at the screen as i type.

what? i told you i was going to talk about my senses right?!?!

A Pavane for Thy Mistress Yonder?

even though i have a long ballet background, was in the gymnastics team, tried my hand at dance cheerleading, and was for a while in dance cca, and even choreographed my secondary school's mass dance, i have to admit.

i can't dance.

i'm so bad at dancing, the only dance i can do is the macarena. badly.

i have no grace whatsoever, and these days, just attempting to go en pointe again makes my toes cramp up insanely.

anyway in other news, i still really love Maria-sama ga Miteru, and i still regret that i didn't go to an all-girls' school, because then i would just totally have a lesbo rampage.

i am a rampant lesbian!

tits! tits! tits!

sorry i've been studying too much and it's screwing with my brain.

Burneth The Library Of Alexandria

Joan Roughgarden. Evolution's Rainbow: Diversity, Gender and Sexuality in Nature and People.

WHY IS IT THAT THERE IS ONLY ONE COPY OF THIS BOOK IN THE WHOLE OF SINGAPORE AND THAT BLOODY COPY HAS BEEN BORROWED AND WILL ONLY BE RETURNED 2 DAYS AFTER MY PRESENTATION???

stupid NLB for not possesing a single copy. stupid NUS libraries for possessing only one. bloody moron for borrowing that book just when i needed it most.

Touched By An Angel (Hath Been Updatheth)

it was Canny's 21st birthday shindig, and Maddy had given me the impression it was a costume party with a fairytale theme, so i done dragged my get-up down all the way to Malaysia. the others saw what an effort i had put it, so they decided to put more effort in their 'costumes'.

well, Canny, being the main star, was a cross between a princess and a Miss Universe winner. Maddy was...a snake spirit. Canny's friends ranged from prince (with wooden parang), to masked pirate lady, to 19th century schoolmarm, to little match girl. the little girls were butterfly fairies.

i was...

an angel!

Maddy was particularly pissed with me cos my wings kept slapping her in the face everytime i turned around.

here are more pictures of the shindig.

me, with the birthday girl. Canny's wearing her princess crown.

from left: me, Maddy, Irene and Canny. if we were in Japan, we'd all be wearing furisode.
get the point? never mind.

with Canny's friends from the village.
Irene lighting the birthday cake. she's Canny's younger sister and same age as I am, younger by a few months but taller by a few heads.

Canny wearing the Miss Universe tiara i got for her.

Maddy hasn't sent me her collection of photos *frowns, shoots daggers* but when they come i'll upload them too. she's got all the good pictures cos she's got the best camera, and she has pictures of Canny before we put makeup on her. but of course, I won't put them here; i still treasure my life. (^o^)

ふみ と 雄太 は へん ですね!!

what do two crazy people do when they are bored? play dress up!!

but no, seriously, we were in a play together. notice how i'm always typecast as the maid character?!?! and poor Yuta is always typecast as the crazy insane transgendered character. i'm not surprised that if he ever makes it back to Tokyo alive, he'd be severely traumatized. look at all the torture we (meaning, i) put him through!!!

Yuta, you rock, seriously. no sane person would dress like that and take a bus from PGP all the way to LT13 (meaning, sorry we were so mean to you for stripping you of your dignity). for that you deserve an award!


see, Debbie is extending her hand to you and i'm....curtseying to her hand because it is such an honour to see Debbie's hand being extended to you!

Ach, Upon Mine Maidenhead (Part Deux)

my mother and i were arguing in the car over virginity and sex, cos she was dissing my friends who had already done it, and i was telling her that she's thinking like a neolithic creature. after a lengthy discussion, she came out with this: "the new boyfriend will think that his girlfriend is used goods when she's already done it with her ex-boyfriend. and boys like to brag about sex and all his friends will know that his girlfriend is no longer clean."

and i replied, "what's the big deal about bragging about doing something everyone else has already done? and if a boy cannot accept that his girlfriend is not a virgin, it's his problem. what right does he have to judge another person's actions? he has no right to control what she does to her body; whatmore before she met him. we as women, are not subordinate to men; our bodies are not their property. we have every right to have sex and still maintain our dignity, just like men can. and you know, today, when a boy brags about sex, nobody would think what a slut the girl is. everyone would think, what an asshole that boy is."

and my mom couldn't think of a better way to reply, so she said, "you never know, some men wouldn't marry a girl who isn't a virgin."

and i replied, "it's their loss. these men aren't worth marrying anyway. do you want your son-in-law to be a chauvinist who believes i'm his property and controls everything i do, and judges every mistake i commit?"

my mother gave up by telling me enough is enough, mothers are always right, don't be rude and disrespect her opinions, blah blah blah.

p.s. Zer0: they are not wookie paws. ewok paws, maybe, but not wookie. my feet aren't that big.

Bootes, Bootes

i can't help it. i'm in love with these boots but everyone else says it's hideous and looks like a murdered fluffy bunny.

Taketh Presente Photographes

to zer0: i wouldn't call the randomly decorated cakes at Cosafe "exquisite culinary art", especially if i was the one making it.

i don't understand just why some people (women in particular) take pleasure in taking pictures of their food. come on, it's just food, you're going to eat it and it's going to come out from your behind and would you take a picture of THAT? when a dish comes up to that person, she would whip out her camera or handphone and take a picture of the dish. and i've seen this behaviour since secondary school, not only in my classmates but in other customers in the restaurants i've been to.

it's just FOOD!!! no point being sentimental about FOOD!!! the only reason i'd take a picture of my food is when i spot a cockroach in it and i want to report it with proof. but no, i see tons and tons of blogs with pictures of food and captions like, "oh, i ate this today!" like as if WE CARE. okay, maybe some people care what this particular person ate, since i see a whole lot of blogs of which their owners chronicle their lives to minute detail, e.g. "today i woke up at 6 am, so damn early, brushed my teeth and while brushing my teeth i heard my parents waking up. grabbed a slice of bread to eat on the way, but wasted some time deciding which shoes to wear. in the end i chose the red converse sneakers with white laces, blah blah blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah..." but now, you have pictures of what they ate!!!

i shall try to rationalize their actions. is it, by taking a picture of their food, it would recapture the memory of eating it? that, when they are stuck cold and starving, trapped under tons of rubble in the case of a terrorist attack, they can whip out their handphones and look at the pictures and recall the time they had chicken chop at Marche? and by remembering the feeling of eating, it would satiate them and fill them with the strength to survive?

NO!!

anyway enough ranting. talking about pictures, i have some pictures that's not of food to share. it's CNY 2007 in malaysia. yes, i spent the eve and the first half of the first day in malaysia, cos my paternal grandparents lived there. it was boring, and i spent most of the time sleeping. but while i wasn't sleeping, there were some pictures taken of me. here are some of them.

ending the previous year with a vigorous yuri-themed gropefest.

the only picture of my mother she consented me to put up, because this was the only flattering shot of her. we look alike, don't we?

my cousin Canny on the right. ever since she went to KL to study we hardly see her (except on CNY). it's not that i'm taller than her. i'm just standing on the curb.

S Club 6. meaning, Singles Club 6. from left, Irene, me, Maddy, Canny, Jake and GH. Jake's my brother. it's not a flattering shot of him. whoever took this picture didn't have a steady hand. anyway, why we're called S Club 6 is because we're the unattached and unmarried of our generation (not including the under-18s).

shortly after this picture was taken, i went back to Singapore.

it felt good to be back in civilization.

Taketh Olde Photographes

was looking through old pictures, and found this one:

damn! i wish i hadn't cut my hair! i miss the days when my hair was a rapunzel-length mass of curls. this was taken CNY 2006 in malaysia.

this is how i looked back in 2004, and this is my face when frozen half my ass off.


people always wanted to know how i looked in my secondary school uniform (it's Anderson, not some convent school).


well. hey there.

Udders Giveth Me The Shudders, Tits Giveth Me The...

once upon a time, i wanted big breasts. i wanted them really big, like anime boobs. my rationale was that if my breasts were so big, it would make every other part of my body look smaller. anyway, now that i've discovered the joys of padding, i've more or less given up on that dream (although i get temporary moments of depression, especially during the undressing process, when all my artificial appendages and coverings are removed and i'm left with my true, flawed body), i still look at my girlfriend's chest and ogle at them and wish i had something that impressive on me too.

the most beautiful breasts i've ever seen were those of my Oneesama's. and i haven't actually seen them in their naked glory, only that one time when she was wearing a really low-cut dress. and her skin made a huge impact. it was white and creamy and completely flawless, just like tofu, the silken kind. naturally my eyes were drawn to that amazing expanse of white skin gently undulating over the globes of her mammaries, so much so that she noticed it and said, "you know, you're not too bad yourself."

heh. maybe it's me, maybe it's the 3-inch thick synthetic sponge.

i had a friend who had 3 nipples. well, next to having humongous melons, having 3 nipples sound like a good deal to me. most people don't get the concept, they keep asking her, "wait, so do you have 3 breasts?" nope, she has 2 breasts, the 3rd nipple isn't attached to any boob, it's just on the skin of her chest. but isn't it cute?

but what i feel is such a pity are inverted nipples. i don't know, i just think they are sad. i've never seen how an inverted nipple look like, but just the idea of having a nipple that goes in instead of stick out is just...tragic.

why am i talking about mammaries? i don't know.

fake boobs? don't do it! one day you'd be getting all hot and heavy with your man, and he squeeze that thing so hard it'll fly out of your mouth.

Hark! I Proclaimeth

it has come to my attention that more and more people are reading my blog and frankly speaking, i don't really like that. when this blog started out, no one, not even my bestest friends, knew its existence because i wanted to be completely anonymous.

but after awhile i gave the URL to my best friends and slowly gave the URL to a select few in my next circle of friends, with the request to not link my blog to any of theirs. however, i guess it managed to leak out, so i thought, oh what the heck, just let it be.

however, ever since i started working, more and more people have started to look at my blog (if you guys are expecting "2dae ii w3nt sh0pPinK, wusH sHo funn n ii lub mii deaRx deaRx" then i'm sorry, no can do) and i realize that i don't like it at all. i prefer that NO ONE (except you, my darling D) reads my blog at all, because when i write my entries are highly personal and meditative.

however what's done is done. if you have my URL (whether i gave it to you or not), by all means i'm not stopping you from reading what i write. but just remove whatever links you have on your own blogs and websites that link to my blog, and also, please don't give my URL out to anyone that asks. i suppose i could start a "public" blog but that's poppycock and i won't waste my time humoring those who want to know the precise amount of toothpaste i use to brush my teeth in the mornings. or what i ate or at what exact time did i defecate.

on other news,

Joshua, my dear number one fan, it's not that i don't want to join the Windsorians in activities, but you must know that while it's easy for you PGPers and Hall-ers to meet up regularly for night-time fun (and you, Sir Derek-of-dubious-sexual-orientation-and-shady-cosplay-habits, often have personal transport), it's not easy for me to do so, even if i live within the same geographical area of campus. cos 1) it costs money to travel, 2) i meet strange perverts at night and 3) i have a life outside school that demands a lot of my time.

however, the Windsorians can drop by at my place anytime (provided i'm free) since *ahem* there's 2 swimming pools, 3 jacuzzis, 3 tennis courts, an underground squash court, 2 karaoke rooms and of course, barbecue pits.

non-Windsorians need not apply, my invitation is for Windsorians only. except, of course, my darling D and also, Michelle aka hot Eurasian friend. you can come over and have your bikini parties any time. don't forget it's PWHOF!

Playeth in Costumeth

i wanted to cosplay at cosfest this year and signed up with a team, but in the end they decided to postpone it till later, so i don't know what to cosplay as this year.

and it's going to be my first cosplay, not counting the "cosplay" i did last year at EOY.

the problem is, i don't know what to cosplay as.

i really want to cosplay as Chii from Chobits, but then the wig would be a bitch. if only i could do it with my real hair, but then i wouldn't look like Chii anymore. i'll just look like some random person with Chii's persocom ears.

then apart from that, the other animes i watch are hentai and yaoi. i remember when i was 16 i wanted to go for some cosplay event dressed as Miko Mido from La Blue Girl, with my best friend, but in the end it turned out i wouldn't be in Singapore during the event. then now i find out that cosplay hentai characters are not allowed at events? but Miko Mido dresses decently (enough), and has that big stupid purple bow on her head. i really loved La Blue Girl and all the tentacle sex action though, it was really funny and ridiculous.

ok well, the next best cosplay would be the Bake Neko arc of ~ayakashi. at first i'm thinking of crossplaying as the demon catcher, but then i think i'll pull off Kayo better. but then i really like the demon catcher, so then i'll need a partner to be the demon catcher. then on second thoughts, Kayo does look a little stupid. and i'll have to be thinner to pull off the demon catcher.

heh. Oiwa-sama of Yotsuya Kaidan is out of the question as i don't want to get cursed. i mean, it's better to play on the safe side. it's said that if an actress doesn't visit her grave and ask for a formal pardon and her permission to play her role, the actress's right eye will drop out and her hair will fall off. and many of the people involved in reproductions of her story have died or committed suicide. so i guess, not risk it?

it wouldn't be fun to cosplay as Tomi Hime from the Tenshu Monogatari arc if i don't have a Zusho-no-suke as a partner. and it's impossible to find someone as tall and as built as Zusho-no-suke (not to mention as hot and manly), so i won't waste my time finding him.

of course, i could get my friends together to cosplay Bobobo...but which sane person would want to cosplay as a spiny orange ball or a ten-inch-tall tofu man?

i'll also love to cosplay Marimite, but i love almost all the characters in it! so i can't decide between Sachiko, Shimako, Yumi, Sei and Yoshino. and yes, it's a yuri anime. totally fits me. if i cosplay as crazy yuri seme Sei, i'll have the leeway to grope all the imouto-chans present.

how about Puchiko from Di Gi Charat? i love the random stupidity of that show. even better, i could cosplay as Pyoko, and end all my sentences with pyo-pyo-pyo. and if i'm Pyoko, my brother can join in as one of the doctors in the Black Gema Gema Dan. i mean, since he has a real stethoscope and a doctor's coat...he could give free checkups at cosfest too.

then again, body proportions do not allow me to cosplay as little girls.

i just had a stupid idea. maybe i can borrow one of my brother's hamsters and pass it off as Ebichu, while i pose as Ebichu's 'gochujin-chama'. then there wouldn't be much challenge, since basically there's nothing to being 'gochujin-chama' except act hysterical.

oh well. i give up. and please don't suggest some "maid" character. god knows i've had enough of maids.

Bulletine, Hear ye, Hear ye!

Zer0: thanks for the comment, i'm not saying that beauty and brains have to be inversely proportionate because i know many girls that are both stunningly beautiful and highly intelligent. i'm just saying that the pursuit of beauty and superficial popularity should not consume one's entire life, when time can be spent more meaningfully.

so well, i just got back. guess who won the preliminary judging round?

my BROTHER.

none of the girls came close to him. and indeed, it was a miraculous transformation for my brother, he whose nicknames used to be King Kong, Tubby, Nerd, etc. well, i saw it happen gradually so i dont really see the difference, but for the rest of the extended family, they had trouble recognizing him at first!

he used to be fat. then he decided to do something about it, and thus began his switch to vegetarianism and daily workouts at the gym.

he had LASIK done to correct his vision, so it's bye-bye grandpa glasses.

then he asked me for some style advice. and i took him down to my hairdresser who colored his hair and gave him a snazzy new haircut (he used to have those sad lonely otaku hairstyles). and re-coordinated his wardrobe. and bought him some bling to accessorize.

suddenly, all my female cousins wanted to take pictures with him.

he was unanimously voted the Queen of the May.

er, King.

Ach, Mine Friend Sir Derek Hast Deep, Darke Secrets

this post is for my Windsorians. you know, our Derek, jewel of Windsor's crown, smart, handsome, dependable Derek, he has some really really strange closet fetishes. and apparently, they are cosplaying. not just any cosplay, but Ouran High School Host Club cosplay.

witness, these photographs taken at EOY'06, a cosplay event held last December. click on images to see larger picture.


can you see him? can you see derek, cosplaying as taciturn, stoic Mori-sempai, and doing some kind of 70's moves with his fellow Host Club members?



here, a nice group shot. do you notice how he visibly appears to have acquired a single digit IQ? also, notice their group's Renge-chan? isn't she....just like the anime's Renge?



and finally, the creme de la creme. Derek's darkest secret.

update: it has come to my attention that Derek has not been coming online as often as he used to do. therefore, Windsorians, it must be a sign that there is something afoot here. rally together, my fellow loons, to help our friend out and return him to his original state.

Looketh What Mine Person Drippeth With: Little Girls

today my aunt and her extensive 4-kid family came to visit. of the 4 kids, 2 were girls. one was 11 and the other probably 4 or 5 years old. they were both really vain. they came into my bedroom (which, because of childhoon deprivation, i had decorated into a victorian lady's boudoir) oohing and ahing at my vast collection of shiny trinkets, my dresser full of ladies' stuff like cosmetics, and my vintage victorian vanity table.

the girls tried on my necklaces and bangles, held my earrings up to their ears, swathed themselves in my heavy damask drapes, and pretended they were princesses. i was hoping they wouldn't break anything, or rip a hole in my curtains, but i let them play dress-up. i drew the line when they wanted to try on my makeup, because i knew that my Chanel lippies and Christian Dior eyeshadows were not going to survive. i also drew the line when they wanted to paint my face and make me into their giant living doll.

hoping to distract them from my 'treasures', i showed them my sketchbook and let them draw in it. i lent them my glittery pens and colorful markers, and then went to work on my SEP application. they sat around my piano chair, diligently drawing, and occasionally squabbling over who would get to use the pink glitter pen.

then it was time for dinner, and we were all eating out, so we filed out and into our respective vehicles. dinner was largely uneventful. we returned and again the girls went back to drawing and wrecking my sketchbook. i settled to watch a rerun of Dae Jang Geum, and during one of the commercial breaks my aunt and uncle decided it was time to bring their brood home, so the girls carefully returned my pens and my sketchbook to my desk and went home. i forgot about the sketchbook.

until fifteen minutes ago.

i noticed it on my desk and flipped to see what they had drawn.

page 1: a drawing of Ariel, the little mermaid, who sporting big caberet neon orange hair, a neon green tail and a glittering pink bikini top. her skin was computer paper white. a little eerie, but well-proportioned. younger girl added incoherent scribbles at the bottom, meant to represent the rocks at the ocean bottom.

page 2: a huge mess of scribbles with glittery pens and markers. a big greeting "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!*" and a footnote "*even though it's not your birthday". random doodles of a birthday cake and a stick figure girl exclaiming, "YES!". on closer inspection, there's a little message saying "TO: PIE WEN JIE JIE, SHE MUST: EAT CAKE". i laughed at the misspelling of my name.

page 3: an extremely unflattering portrait of "BEATIFUL PIE WEN JIE JIE", in which i have droopy eyes and a huge smiling mouth. i sport neon pink eyeshadow and purple eyeliner, and blood red blush on my cheeks and nose. hilariously, i have neon pink lips and silver lipliner. again, neon orange hair, and a shirt with a print consisting of neon green circles, blue stripes and neon orange scribbles. i just noticed that the girls traced my eyes with blue sparkly pen, a la Shiseido Maquillage circa 2005.

page 4: a pen drawing of a ballerina with one enormously long arm, and pointe shoes laced all the way to the knee, rather like a roman hooker. below roman hooker ballerina is another ballerina performing a split. she has a thought bubble that says: "I'M DISABED" and has a little doodle of a person in crutches next to it.

page 5: unfinished drawing of a side profile of a woman with impossibly protruding lips applying lipstick, and...strangely enough, salivating at the same time. probably they were drawing this when told to go home, because at the bottom of the page is a little message: "THANK YOU!!" and next to it, a little misshapened smiley face.

for some reason, i feel really proud of them. i think they are going to turn out all right. i mean...the drawing of the "disabed" ballerina, complete with little person in crutches, that's truly the work of a young genius. and anyway, i'm much luckier than my brother. he has to entertain the other 2 boys, and they spent most of the time terrorizing his hamsters.